I feel great
I just peed on a car
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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