So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
