need another drink. this is the easiest way
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
