the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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