I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Randomize