Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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