this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
