Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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