I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
