I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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