Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
did i just pee glitter
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
