so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
