Yo dont text me then not text me
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
