Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize