i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
