it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
