Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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