you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
