Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
