I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
