walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
