it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
