I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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