Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
