and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
