dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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