Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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