: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
...so i touched it.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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