Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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