ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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