I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
