I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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