Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
