you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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