careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize