it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
