saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
