i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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