alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
