ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
