Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Randomize
