She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize