ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
you guys were way drunker than both of me
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
