I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
