i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
