Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
