There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
