I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
