Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
