I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
