i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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