apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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