So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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