I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize