Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
