At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
we're so committed to being not committed
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
