i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
