i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I stole a fireplace last night.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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