you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
