oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
