So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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