he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
