Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
