my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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