it was like his penis was on wheels.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
