i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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