I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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