How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
