it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
