so that wasnt chicken after all
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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