So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
