puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
