Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
just tell him i said nine months
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize