i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
