i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize