When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
