Will you blow on my dice?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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