You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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