toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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