The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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