I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
