so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So much rum. So many feels.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize