No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
