Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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