the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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