i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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