I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
