batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
